


I ache, I ache, I ache inside.

by Cuddly_Totoro



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gintoki's deep rooted grief makes a cameo, Kagura ate all the pudding, Kagura's aggressive appetite is booting them out of restaurants, light angst with lots of happiness?, megane-kun, sneaky mayo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 11:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20966135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cuddly_Totoro/pseuds/Cuddly_Totoro
Summary: It’s always in moments like these, when Gintoki is high on adrenaline, plasma joy burning away a decades worth of grief in still motion, watching the children squabble in that ridiculous way he’s taught them, that he wants to nek himself





	I ache, I ache, I ache inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: The Last Day on Earth by Kate Miller-Heidke

Gintoki is screaming.

He can’t help it, not with a maniacal restaurant owner, eyes bloodshot and bloodthirsty, black hair fanning behind all Sadako like, running after the three of them with knives swinging in his hand - he’s the main star of this horror movie, after all.

Behind him Shinpachi is cupping his hands to his mouth, that idiot, as if you need to be any louder (Otsu’s concerts have expanded his lungs to a frightening degree) and yelling _police, police!_ That fool.

“Police!”

“Anyone!”

“Save us!” 

Then Shinpachi let his voice die off in a wail, remembering who exactly the police were.

Gintoki continues screaming as the three crash down the street, two thirds panicked, one third glib, patting her humongous stomach and cackling in the stunted way Tatsuma does.

Of all the annoying things to learn from him-

Shinpachi is gasping, leaning over his knees. 

“Is the - is he still chasing us?” then all of a sudden, the sweat streaming down Shinpachi’s face finally causes his glasses to slip off his nose. 

“Wha-” Shinpachi makes a clumsy grabbing motion at the glasses and fails to catch them, mournfully watching them descend in low quality replay (Wait, aren’t replays always sped up!?) before Kagura screams “Shinpachi!”

Her form blurs, all yato strength as she rescues the glasses just before they hit the pavement, rocking back and forth, wailing, shaking them a little, going _Shinpachi wake up! Wake up! You can’t sleep now!_ even as Shinpachi yells _I’m right here!_, not that Kagura recognises him without his glasses.

Gintoki is ready to jump into the fray, armed with a lifetime’s more worth of insults for Glasses-kun, when his focus is pulled from the scene.

His heart hurts.

It’s always in moments like these, when Gintoki is high on adrenaline, plasma joy burning away a decades worth of grief in still motion, watching the children squabble in that ridiculous way he’s taught them, that his hot heartbeats slow down, like a meteorite sinking into the horizon.

It’s in moments like now, that he feels warm pinpricks behind his eyes. He blinks a little faster, letting the cool night air push back phantom tears. It’s as if he’s such an old man he can’t even hold back his pee.

And his pulse is steady again, the moment shoved back into the painful places he refuses to acknowledge.

Making it home was a terrifying affair. What with the kaleidoscope of the restaurant owner’s knives, bazooka shots from who knows where and slipping on a patch of mayonnaise left on the pavement, Gintoki is sure the heavens must be blessing him for having survived this long. Or cursed. Definitely cursed, catching a glimpse of purple stalker hair as he slides the front door shut.

Shinpachi’s gone home, and it’s just him and Kagura and Lake Toya again.

Gintoki sidles up to the fridge, praying for pudding. _Come on, come on, come on. Damn it, I missed Ketsuno Ana’s horoscopes this morning._ Gintoki bashed himself mentally. And did it again, when he saw the train of empty pudding containers strewn across the fridge. Gintoki died a little inside at the sight of the carnage.

All of a sudden, sorrow hits him once more. Gintoki ignores it, standing a little longer in the refrigerator light, until it begins beeping. He reopens it quickly, shivering in the coolness that floats towards his feet.

He kind of wants to make some fried rice.

_Oi Kagura, you hungry?_ Gintoki closes his mouth. Of course not. She’s already passed out, still sprawled over the couch. Leaving the fridge open, he walks over and gently lifts her. It’s reassuring to feel the warmth of someone not yet bled out, bones crushed, body limp, head still attached-

He closes the closet door, alone in dim blue light, until he races to shut the fridge door again.

Bleary, muddled memories, distorted by candlelight. The smell of pines. A warm futon, footsteps lulling him to sleep.

_Shouyou._

**Author's Note:**

> ArghgghguDHGSGuh Gintoki’s character makes me so sad sometimes - he’s the posterboy of gap grief (I’m ditching gap moe for angst lol). I’ve been rewatching some of the major fights (to pRoCrAsTiNaTe), where he actually shows some devastation, and it’s still shocking to me, because he masks his scars so well you forget they're there.
> 
> Anywhoosies, I thought it would be fun to slide in a little angst into the joyful chaos of the yorozuya right behind Gintoki’s facade, where the only ones who can see it are the readers, and Gin-chan himself.
> 
> Yippee
> 
> Ps. this is written to one of my favourite songs, pls listen <3


End file.
